Second Worst DVD Commentary Of All Time

[Brick McBurly]

The Brickster usually likes to keep things on a postive note, but I just heard the second worst samurai film commentary of all time (with Snake Woman's Curse holdin' the number one spot and unlikely to relinquish it anytime soon) and I feel the need to do some rantin'. The DVD in question is Animeigo's recent release of Shinobi No Mono 2: Vengeance. Now, let's get one thing straight-the Brickster LOVES the DVD-he just hates the commentary. The film is fantastic, perhaps the best of the Shinobi No Mono series, and its star, Ichikawa Raizo, is in top form. Animeigo has done a great job of subtitlin', transferin', and providin' historical notes. There's quite a bit of historical background provided, with only a couple of glarin' mistakes, neither of them that big of a deal (a big improvement over the ridiculously erroneous historical notes given with Kon Ichikawa's 47 Ronin, which Animeigo admits havin' gotten off of Wikipedia). To my relief, they make it a point to state that Hattori Hanzo was a well respected samurai. Animeigo has even included an interactive map of Japan, which shows you where all the action took place and givin' notes for many of the locations. To my knowledge, this is the first time Animeigo has included commentary on one of its 'Samurai Cinema' releases, and hopefully they can get someone better next time (like Pat Galloway, fer crissakes). To wit:

Your host for this exercise in inanity is Ric Meyers. I knew this commentary would likely be trouble when the DVD copy described him as 'martial arts scholar and author of the Ninja Master book series'. There's at least two red flags right there. 'Ninja Master' sounded vaguely familiar and sure enough, when the Brickster rooted through his ficton collection, he came up with a copy of 'Dragon Rising' from 1985. I had bought this book years ago on eBay in a lot of 20 samurai fiction books. It's the adventures of Brett Wallace, the American Ninjer Master, and Brett lives to perpetuate every ninja sterotype there is. Well, thinks the Brickster, Ric's had over 20 years to learn a bit more since that's been written-maybe his commentary will reflect it.

No such luck. Now, Ric Meyers doesn't seem to know a lot about Japanese history, samurai, ninja, or film history, but he sure does know a lot about Ric Meyers. Unfortunately, he's more than happy to share, and takes up a huge chunk of the film's openin' tellin' you how great he is and also spends time later tellin' you how fantastic his Ninja Master books are and how they'll give you a true picture of ninjitsu. In fact, he spends more time time doin' this than he does talkin' about the film-a cardinal sin. If yer doin' commentary, COMMENT ON THE DAMN FILM. I don't think he actually speaks of the film for more than 10-15 minutes of the runnin' time.

He's also a self proclaimed butcher of the Japanese language, which he admits to twice durin' the proceedin's. To give you an idea, he pronounces the name of the hero, Goemon, as 'Go-Man'. Similar names and titles get the same treatment.

But worst of all, he's spreadin' the ninjer gospel. Big time. He claims to have went to Japan and gotten his information from Japanese historians, but they must be the same 'martial arts' historians Stephen Hayes uses. Paraphrasin'-'Samurai practised Bushido, and therefore had to hire commoners and specialized warriors to carry out their dirty work. These warriors were held in contempt by samurai and were of low status. They formed large ninjer clans and hired themselves out to the highest bidder. They practised the 18 sekrit martial arts of ninjitsu and nothing is really known of them because everything was kept sekrit. Ninjitsu itself came over from China.' If that ain't enough, he throws in gems like 'kunoichi were female samurai', Akechi Mitsuhide-who he never mentions by name-is 'the 15 day Shogun', and 'samurai were about 3% of the population'. When speakin' of the historical situation the film covers (Akechi Mitsuhide's rebellion and Honnoji), he shrugs it off with "I think a lot of this did happen in real life" but never mentions who any of the iconic figures are (Ieyasu, Nobunaga, Hideyoshi, Mitsuhide, etc).

This was enough to make the Brickster weep. But wait-there's more! Film history time! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is called the best of the western ninja movies, and Meyer's Ninja Master series the best western ninja fiction-although he also calls Eric Van Lustbader's crap-tastic novel 'Ninja' a 'well written book that treats ninjitsu seriously'. He brings up more Chinese ninja films than he does Japanese ninja films. His commentary on film history was so bad, in fact, that Animeigo had to include Commentary Notes in their extras specifically to correct points he had made about Ichikawa Raizo and the Shinobi No Mono series.

Sheesh...I think I can calm down now. By all means, buy the DVD-it's fantastic. But I'm tellin' ya-don't press that commentary button, unless you've got a strong masochistic streak.
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[Wave Tossed]

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!



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"Walk the thousand mile road, step by step" -- Miyamoto Musashi